How to Speak Crazy Jounin and Not Die Trying
by Aleia15
Summary: In which Iruka is a man of many talents and Kakashi is just Kakashi.


**How to Speak Crazy Jounin and Not Die (or Kill) Trying**

The first clue should have been Iruka's favourite shirt disappearing.

Iruka wouldn't have noticed under normal circumstances, especially considering he wore civilian clothes about once a week, but he _really liked_that shirt, and had wanted to wear it for the date. It wasn't that often that he and Kakashi had time off at the same time and could go on an actual date, and he wanted to look his best.

Two hours of frustrating and unsuccessful search later, Kakashi was inside his living room laughing at his annoyed face.

"But it was here, I could swear it, I saw it a few days ago. You know the one I'm talking about, the dark blue silk one I wore on our first date!" Iruka had looked everywhere, and his apartment wasn't that big. It was nowhere to be found, and he had been so absorbed in his search he wasn't ready when Kakashi arrived to pick him up.

"It doesn't matter what you wear, Iruka," Kakashi said looking him up and down with an appreciative leer that made him flush. "I will be thinking how to get you out of your clothes the entire dinner."

Actually, he appeared to be thinking about it right that precise moment, and Iruka felt his entire body heating, the weight of Kakashi's stare almost like a touch on his skin. He turned to him, closing the distance in two swift steps. They barely made it to the restaurant in time, and Kakashi was as good as his word about undressing Iruka afterwards.

He didn't think about the shirt for some time.

...

"Stay," Kakashi rasped against Iruka's mouth, disentangling their bodies and curling next to him. Iruka moved, his tired limbs refusing to carry him away from Kakashi's body, his pleasantly sated mind more than happy about that development.

He pressed his mouth against Kakashi's neck, licking the dark bruise he had sucked on there before and making Kakashi shudder in his arms. It wasn't the first time they spent the night together, though it was still more likely than not for them to go to sleep separately. Iruka had classes in the morning and liked to train a bit before that, waking up at what Kakashi called the ass-crack of dawn. Kakashi wasn't a morning person, and liked to wake up as late as he could when he didn't have a mission. Considering their different habits, it was only logical that they would sleep in their own beds.

"Ok," he said against the soft skin. "But I have to clean you up before we fall asleep."

Kakashi made a sleepy noise of protest as Iruka stood up from the bed, feeling his way to the bathroom in the darkness. He blinked at the brightness when he turned on the light, narrowing his eyes and hurriedly grabbing a small towel and soaking it in warm water.

Iruka went back to the bedroom and cleaned Kakashi's body gently, smiling at the relaxed expression on his face now illuminated by the bathroom light. He went back to turn off the light and leave the towel after cleaning himself, frowning at the feeling that something was out of place in the bathroom. With a shrug, Iruka closed the door and climbed back on the bed next to Kakashi. It wasn't as if it was his house, Kakashi was free to change things as he wished.

He was mostly asleep when he realized the bathroom had two sets of everything, including bathrobes, and one was in the same shade of blue as his missing favourite shirt.

...

Iruka waited for almost an hour before he gave up. He grabbed his phone and called the shop again.

He was hungry and his order should have arrived a while ago. They picked up the phone at the second ring, almost at the same time as a knock sounded on his door. It was Kakashi on the other side, Iruka could feel his chakra, and he opened the door without looking.

"Yeah, this is Umino Iruka, I made an order a while ago and I'm still waiting. I was wondering if something had happened."

He heard the noise of the girl checking it, and he turned to Kakashi, putting his hand over the mouthpiece. "You're just in time; I'm on the phone with the soba place. You want anything?"

"No, I have everything I need," Kakashi said, his voice far too amused for someone who had just arrived.

He looked at him then, noticing the bag Kakashi had in his hand. Iruka frowned, it was from the same place he was talking to.

"Umino-san? Here it says that your food was delivered. Has there been any problem?" The girl from the shop said, a hint of doubt in her voice.

Iruka looked at the bag in Kakashi's hands, his frown deepening. "I'm sorry," he said on the phone, "what address did you deliver it to?" He hadn't been listening as they checked the address before, this shop being one of his favourites. He had been ordering there for _years_, they didn't need to go over it every single time.

"We sent it to the place we have marked as your usual address," the girl said and then recited Kakashi's address. Iruka groaned. It was possible that he had ordered from there the last time, he didn't remember, though why they had it as his _usual_address was anyone's guess. "Is there a problem, Umino-san?" the girl sounded a bit concerned and Iruka hastened to ease her mind.

"No, don't worry. Everything is fine, thank you." He hung up the phone feeling foolish and a bit embarrassed. His stomach chose that time to remind him, loudly, how he was also famished.

"I'm guessing you're hungry," Kakashi said removing his mask, a mischievous smile on his face. "How grateful are you going to be that I brought you your food?"

Iruka pushed aside the first stirring of suspicion. He was unable to resist those unmasked lips smiling. He jumped Kakashi and kissed him, long and deep.

"I'll be very, _very_ grateful."

And he was.

...

"When were you going to tell us?"

Iruka looked at Izumo and Kotetsu, then blinked in confusion and looked at his friends some more. "Tell you what?" he asked, not stopping on his way back home. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to his friends, but he had seen them in the mission room, even if they had waited for him to finish his shift and ambush him with whatever it was Iruka had not told them. Kakashi, on the other hand, had been out for a week and had just returned. _Him_Iruka was very anxious to see.

"About you and Kakashi," Kotetsu said, and it made Iruka finally stop, his brows furrowing.

"About me and Kakashi?" Iruka said slowly.

"Yes, we're your friends, we expected you to tell us," Izumo added, his voice sounding sincerely hurt. Iruka's frown deepened, he had no idea what his friends were talking about. Unless-

"We haven't broken up," he said, as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the universe. For him, it was. He didn't know about Kakashi, but Iruka was more than happy with their relationship, even if Kakashi was a bit odd sometimes.

It was their turn now to look at Iruka as if he had lost his mind. "Of course not, we know that."

"Then? What was I supposed to tell you?"

"You're together!" Izumo exclaimed, as if it was the biggest piece of gossip in Konoha and Iruka had neglected his duty as friend by not telling them. "Like, seriously together!"

Iruka stared at his friends for a beat. "We've been together for a year, and yes it's serious." It had never been a secret, everyone knew about them. They didn't go out much, that was true, they had little time and they usually spent it at one of their houses, but there was no reason for Izumo and Kotetsu to ask him about their relationship now. "You know, you guys are weird, and I have no time for this now."

Iruka turned on his heel and left, not paying attention to his friend's voices in the distance.

"But his file said-"

"Yes, they're living-"

...

Iruka looked at his apartment and sighed. Suddenly everything made so much sense.

If he didn't know it wasn't possible, he'd be wondering whether he was going senile. He wasn't, he was barely 30, and he was sound of body and mind. Or at least he was as sound of mind as someone who had willingly entered into a relationship with Hatake Kakashi could claim to be.

There were obvious gaps in his shelves: books, pictures and other trinkets having mysteriously moved from their usual location to wherever it was that Kakashi was taking them. Because it was Kakashi taking them, of that Iruka was certain. His traps had not been triggered at any point, and all the other odd things happening around him pointed at Kakashi's intervention.

Kakashi wanted something from Iruka, and in his usual way he couldn't do something as trite as _asking._ No, asking was for other people, for _sane_people. Kakashi's style was leaving clues and hints of what he wanted that were as subtle as being run over by a fucking bus; and it was Iruka's job to sort through them and correctly deciphering their meaning.

Iruka didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed with the crazy bastard.

Oh well, if that was the way he wanted to play, Iruka was game.

...

Iruka already had everything in place when Kakashi came back from his mission.

The apartment was cluttered, but he had managed to give it a homey feeling, all the pictures and mementos they had both collected during the years proudly displayed next to each other. There were still a couple of boxes of stuff they would need to sort through, mostly to decide what they were keeping and what needed to go, but they could get to it later.

First-well, first they were going to have the conversation that normal people had before moving together, not after the fact.

Kakashi entered through Iruka's living room window, too agitated to bother with the door like a normal person. "Iruka, our house-" he trailed off at the sight of the living room, his eyes moving quickly from one thing to another.

"Hello, Kakashi," Iruka said, unable to contain a smile at Kakashi's shocked expression, the little he could see under the mask. "Something you want to tell me?"

Kakashi looked again around him, then at Iruka's face, considering. He pulled his mask down, and Iruka was glad to see there was the hint of a smile on his face, a reddish tinge staining his cheeks. "I know where your blue shirt is?" Kakashi ventured and Iruka laughed.

Oh, god, if he didn't love Kakashi he would probably kill him.

"I noticed. It was in your wardrobe, with all your clothes and some other of mine." He said, standing up from the couch and taking a step towards Kakashi. "I also found my pictures, my set of wine glasses, my collector edition of The Tales of The Gutsy Ninja, my spare slippers and my wine bottles. They were all at your house."

"Everything was in a proper place," Kakashi said, taking a step of his own towards Iruka.

"Yes. But it wasn't _their_proper place." Another step. "Anything else you want to say?"

Kakashi stopped to consider it, tilting his head in an endearing gesture. Iruka had to bite his lip not to jump him there and then. "Do you like blue, Iruka?" Kakashi grinned widely, the laugh lines around the corners of his mouth showing clearly. Iruka wanted to lick those lines until they were both laughing, or panting, whichever came first.

"I love blue. It's my favourite colour."

Kakashi took a step. "Good, because I've bought this bathrobe and towel set in blue for you. It matches mine, mine is green."

"Thank you, Kakashi," Iruka said, advancing a bit more. He arched up an eyebrow, prompting Kakashi to continue.

"I've updated your address in different places?" Another step, and they were close enough Iruka could already feel the heat coming off Kakashi's body.

Iruka laughed at that one. He had had to go to every single restaurant and shop where they kept his details and explain that _no, he hadn't moved to Kakashi's house, and would they mind too much to modify Kakashi's details to show Iruka's house as his address?_The girl at the soba place had looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Yes. Again, I noticed."

"And I put you as my next of kin in the Konoha registry?"

That one Iruka hadn't known, though it made Izumo and Kotetsu's words much clearer. Izumo worked at the registry, he would know of any official change made, and listing someone as your next of kin was as good as a marriage for shinobi.

"What about Gai?" Iruka knew Kakashi had Gai listed before, not having many close friends or living family.

"He was very happy that you were going to make An Honest Man of His Eternal Rival, and cried Manly Tears of Joy as I told him." Iruka could perfectly picture the scene, Gai's histrionics one of the things that never failed to crack him up. "I also spoke to Naruto, and with his consent, listed myself as your next of kin."

They both took the last step, their bodies so close together not even air passed between them.

"Was there going to be a question asked at some point, Kakashi? Or was I just supposed to know you wanted us lo live together and just move in with you?" Iruka said, breathing the words against Kakashi's lips, too tempted by their proximity not to lean forward and kiss him.

"It's much more fun this way," Kakashi said after they pulled away, pressing his forehead against Iruka's. "This way, you always say yes."

"One of these days, you'll learn how to ask for the things you want, Kakashi," Iruka said, pulling away and taking Kakashi's hand, leading him to their bedroom. "You can't expect me to always know."

"Of course I can," Kakashi countered, closing the door behind them. "You and I speak the same language, sensei."

Iruka turned to look at Kakashi, amused. "And what language is that, _Crazy Jounin_?"

He stared at Iruka seriously for a second. "_The language of love._"

It could as well be that one, Iruka considered as they fell on the bed laughing hysterically, sometimes being in love closely resembled being crazy.

...


End file.
